that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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