It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
