i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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