it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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