Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Im part way to drunk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
