fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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