do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dignity is for republicans.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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