I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
