I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
