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After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
