i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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