How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They have beer where we have blood.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
