Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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