the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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