Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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