I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
