He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
