Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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