You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
