They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
