So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
