The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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