An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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