yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
