At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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