drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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