I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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