dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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