god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
