Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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