Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
