never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
