I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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