i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
