haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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