i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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