I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
