Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
