In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
