uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
