There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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