Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
