I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
