I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
