pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
