I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
