Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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