Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
