some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
