I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
