I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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