im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
