what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
