Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
