Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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