I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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