as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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