why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
