You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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