dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
