there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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