Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
